Who am I?
Where is the real me?
Why do I always sabotage myself?
These are very common questions that I hear often. It seems that in our western world, we have become alienated from who we are. We have taken on personalities and characteristics that are not natural to us. We have adapted to be the kind of person that we think we should be rather than who we are. I believe that the most important journey that we can take is the journey into our core, a journey reconnecting with ourselves.
For many of us when we consider the age old question of who we are, we become confused. There is often a push and pull inside. I am a devoted father, daughter, friend, and yet I seem empty. I give and give and somehow do not become full. There is a void or emptiness inside of me. When we attempt to enter into our inner landscape, we are confronted with pain, fear, sorrow and anger.
For some as soon as they begin the journey inside of themselves, their conscious mind takes over, it becomes busy, distracting from the journey into relaxation. And yet it is the very journey into relaxation that opens our connection into our inner self. There was a time when we had that connection, when we were whole and complete. There was a time when we really honored the magnificent being that we are.
Sometimes looking at children we can see this connection, this innocence, and yet before long most of our children are taught not to brag about their strengths, not to honor their impulses. They are taught that there is right and wrong, good and bad. They are taught to judge themselves and others.
Love then becomes conditional. “If you behave this way I will love you, if you make the right choices then you are good.” From there the child quickly learns to judge themselves, that certain parts of them are bad, and perhaps even evil.
In defense we then put up a wall, or barrier around our inner core, our Higher Self, and we stay in the conscious mind, staying in control, doing the “right thing.” And yet the paradox is that as long as we stay in control, we actually release personal control over our lives. We actually give that control over to the significant people whose judgments over what is right and wrong, have programmed us.
It is only through letting go of conscious control that we come into contact with our deep inner control. It is through surrender that this actually takes place. And yet it is the fear of losing control that prevents us from surrendering.
If I were to give you one gift, it would be the ability to surrender. It is in the experience of surrender that we release our internal boundaries.
As we know, emotions and limiting beliefs are locked away inside of our bodies. It is as if the emotions are locked inside of a balloon, preventing the energy from flowing freely. Through the use of instruments that measure the energy field (aura) around our body, we know that when we are in a negative emotional state, our energy field is weak, and when the negativity releases, the energy field expands. When we are in a state of love, joy & happiness, our energy field is at it’s greatest, and we can not hold negative thoughts and emotions. It is in this state that the boundaries holding emotions dissolve. It is in the state of love that we let go of attempts to control our selves or others. It is in the state of pure love that we truly surrender and freely trust that the universe will protect us.
But what is it that prevents us from this surrender? Why do we hold back? As we grow up, and start consciously controlling our lives, we start creating protective shields around the core of who we are. These shields are made up of lies and false beliefs, I am bad, I don’t deserve to be happy, love hurts. It is this core, the center of us that is what we call the Higher Self, or our Spirit, the essence of who we are. And the shields prevent this essence from coming out.
The healing journey is a journey inside, a journey through the shields, releasing the false beliefs and negative emotions. It is not until we enter into our core, honoring our magnificence, reconnecting with our essence that we truly heal. As we forgive and surrender our attachment to hate, fear, guilt, resentment, the barriers inside dissolve and we move closer to our essence, closer to our true selves. This journey requires integrity and commitment. It is not always easy to pop those bubbles, sometimes we might be tempted to back away, but it is only by confronting these ghosts, learning the lessons of the past and surrendering that you may connect again with your true essence.
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