Ok. One thing I know for sure in my 52 years around the Sun….
Earlier this year, I sold my house and all my furniture, quite my job, and made sure my Daughter and Grandson were in good hands; cause I’m always gonna be her Mama. I decided it was time to lighten the load. I packed up my car and Cat Sundance, and journeyed North.
Seeking solace, I headed to North Western Ontario where beauty and natures abundance gleefully embraced my weary Spirit and enveloped me in all her warmth and grandeur. Her bounty of endless Sun kissed skies, rolling Evergreen filled hills and a sprinkling of splendid, shimmering sapphire lakes to the left and to the right of me, were just what my bleary-eyed self & soul required.
This leg of my journey began the previous August in Hawaii. Set in motion on the top of a hill, under the Sturgeon Full Moon, and in the middle of a Hurricane in Hana. I prayed in all sincerity, humbly and with absolute pure intent, “How can I be of service?”
“Well.” The Universe replied, “I’ve been waiting …., Let Me show you, …. Come with Me…” and taking me by the heart and hand, lead The Way.
Faintly, I could hear off in the distant past, which had been softly covered by a golden haze of Forgetting and Forgiveness….
“Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.”
I have rubbed many tears of ecstatic joy, and of despairing disappointment and grief from my eyes and soul countless times over the past year. Its like the Universe broke me open, to open up my heart and fill it with more of Itself, Love.
I think it would look like Japanese Kintsugi; me and my heart, the broken pieces of pottery and The Divine, the Gold liquid poured into the cracks and crevices of my Being. Pulling me, ever closer. Adding a glimmer of It’s Divine Light and Love to my soul when I fall or feel ‘less than’…
At times, the letting go of creature comforts; people, some so very near and dear, of places, things, ideas and deep seeded, hard held beliefs, has felt beyond challenging. All the while, I still prayed to reach for MORE emotionally, intellectually, spiritually. My Body, Mind, and Spirit were inviting me, imploring me; move, stretch, evolve, expand, CHANGE beyond my known, familiar circles. Trust that Opportunity was before me, NOW, filled up to the brim with Potential. Possibility.
(BTW: Its always NOW)
Along my travels I’ve learned trying to control others; thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and actions is exhausting, fruitless and ceaseless. I can most certainly change my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, actions and how I’m going to show up. “If I play small to protect someone else’s smallness, then we both lose.” (Mark England, The Cosmic Giggle @ https://youtu.be/3lhOX1aY5DE )
I’ve found when I pay attention and check in with myself, I become aware of ‘Game Changers’; times that effect change upon us because quite possibly, we have not acknowledged the signs; events, behaviours, thoughts and feelings that are telling us that something is amiss. Times when we can no longer ignore or dismiss that ‘Knowing’, our gut instinct, that tells us to pack up, go, and grow.
The progression of our Spirit IS the name of the Game. I’ve decided to stop playing small for others if it hinders growth; mine and theirs.
We have the opportunity to reflect, to choose, and to influence the direction of our life path.
Awareness is key. And Action is required.
To not act, is indeed, an action. To not decide IS a decision.
I believe its ok to retreat and reassess when required. Change doesn’t feel easy and less than comfortable some days, so I surround myself with people that are going to engage my curiosity with supportive words and kindness, be present with a loving open heart, and excite my Spirit to come play with theirs and walk beside me with a gentle hand in mine.
As I walk the path before me, with Gratitude I lovingly release and let the rest fall away, tenderly passing into the snow-covered ground behind me. And I eagerly, patiently await the new growth of Spring.
My Mum always said, “Actions speak louder than words.”
“Love surrounds Us.”
Words of the Wise.
I guess I don’t know if One ever really ‘starts over’.
I’ll just call it Starting Anew.
Every Ending is a New Beginning….
I become a Butterfly.
Blessings With Much Love and Gratitude